In regard to "Regards"

Is it right to end an email with "Regards" then your name? I looked it up online and it did say yes it is correct - but can come across "cold." - J.C., Gainesville, TX

Aunt Dandelion replies: 


It is perfectly correct. Any forms of salutation and closing used in letters can apply to email too.

As with any communication, you would tailor the tone and relative formality to both the recipient and the subject matter. There is nothing about email per se that suspends or changes these rules. Just as a paper letter should vary in tone and language depending on whether it is a business communication or a friendly letter, so does email. If "Regards" would be correct for a communication on paper, it would also be correct for email.

For more thoughts about email, read this earlier post. 

Yes, Virginia, you do have to write thank-you letters

Dear Readers,

Aunt Dandelion expects you received some presents for Christmas or Hanukkah. No matter who gave them to you, and no matter how much you liked or disliked the gifts, a thank-you note is still obligatory.

Written thank-you’s are becoming more and more rare, which is a little odd considering the ease of communicating by so many means today. Here are some tips to help you express your appreciation to those who thought enough of you to give you a present.

Gifts that come in the mail

1. When you receive a gift in the mail, let the sender know at once that it has been safely received. This can be done with a quick email or phone call, and will give the sender much peace of mind.
2. As soon as you open the gift, or the day after the celebration for which it was intended, sit yourself down and write some personal words of appreciation for the gift. It doesn’t matter if you loved it or hated it. You are thanking the giver for the thought and effort behind the gift.

Gifts given in person

1. Immediately say “thank you!” and tell them that you can’t wait to open it on the big day.
2. If you are opening the gift in front of them, look delighted or at least interested in the gift. Ask a question to give the person a chance to tell the story of why they selected this for you. You can say something like, “How did you know I love white chocolate?” or “What an interesting accessory! How do you use it?”
3. Follow up on another day (very soon!) with a written thank-you. You can refer to the giver’s kindness or thoughtfulness in selecting that particular gift for you.

What to say when you get an unwanted gift

The answer is simple: you say “thank you.” A thank-you note is not a review of the gift. So even if you received the world’s ugliest sweater or an unwanted nose hair trimmer, never show any offense or make comments that crab the gift in any way.

Long or short notes?

A thank-you note can be quite short, as long as it is not curt. This is not enough: “Dear Cousin June, Thank you for the gift.”

Nor is this: “Hi Mom, I got the cash, thanks!”

Do invest at least a sentence or two in describing how much you like the gift, or how appreciative you are that they went to the trouble of giving you something.

Pen and paper, or electrons?

The handwritten note is now and always has been the gold standard in saying thank you. However, Aunt Dandelion feels that the intention and sincerity behind the note is of more importance than the medium. The key thing is to select a personal medium - i.e., a post on the giver's Facebook wall is neither correct nor sufficient.

If your handwriting is not very attractive, one option is to type a thank-you letter, set it in an attractive, readable font, and print it on nice stationery.

Sending an email is an acceptable alternative, but a thank-you email requires thought, and should pass the same test for formality of language and appearance as a hand-written note or letter.

E-cards are also acceptable, but be sure to write something substantial in the area provided for your personal message. The downside of e-cards is that they usually can’t be saved on the recipient’s hard drive, or printed out, so they have less permanence than other methods. Aunt Dandelion still prefers a gracious personal note for major gifts or favors rendered.

The medium you choose should be thoughtfully geared to the recipient’s preferences. Older people usually prefer paper-based correspondence.

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The French term for a thank-you letter is "lettre de château" - literally, a letter from the castle. Let your gratitude flow from a high place!

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Have more questions about holiday etiquette? Send your concern to ask@auntdandelion.com.

Do I have to send a Valentine to everyone who sent me one?

Dear Aunt Dandelion,

I received a couple of Valentine's Day cards from people I wasn't expecting them from. Is the correct etiquette to send them a card back? -- George in Dallas, TX

Aunt Dandelion replies:

Valentine's Day is one of those celebrations that is generally limited to the actual day it falls on - February 14th. Unlike Christmas, for example, when you can send cards throughout the month of December, you really have to "hit" Valentine's Day on the nose.

All this means is that it may be impractical to try to send a Valentine's Day card or gift to someone after February 14th. In Aunt Dandelion's view, a phone call or email to say 'thank you for the lovely surprise' would be a wonderful way to acknowledge an unexpected greeting.

If you really like the sender, place a reminder on your calendar for next year so you can send them your love right on time.

Email salutations and closings

Dear Aunt Dandelion,

What is the correct salutation and ending when sending an email? – Steve in Tunbridge, Kent, UK

Aunt Dandelion replies:

Steve, this is a short question with a long answer, which begins with, “It depends on how the email is being used.”

Email as a letter
When an email is acting as a letter, the rules for written correspondence apply.

• For emails to friends, open with Dear (First Name), and close in the style appropriate to your relationship with the recipient: Love, Hugs and kisses, Regards, etc.
• When sending an email as formal business correspondence, the salutation and closing rules are identical to the written form. Open with Dear (First Name) or Dear (Title and Last Name) and close with Regards, Sincerely, Respectfully yours, etc.

Email as a memo

When an email is acting as a memo, as often happens in business, it will be sent to many recipients or groups. In that case there is no salutation, but a line can be added to the body which specifies the intended readership. Examples: “To All Employees,” or “To the Management Team,” etc. The email memo should be signed (in type) by the official author, such as an executive or a department head, with their title below the signature.

Email as a note 

In practice, emails whiz back and forth between friends and business colleagues all day and night. The collaborative or chatty email stream tends to get more informal as the conversation lengthens. Ultimately many of these types of emails have – and need – no greeting or even signature. The email header clearly specifies who is sending and receiving the note in the From, To, and cc: lines, so there should be no confusion.

Signature lines
A special note about signature lines or blocks – those text or graphical appendages below an email. These are an excellent idea in business and for job applicants. They should include the sender’s full name, title, company, and contact information. However, a signature line is not a signature – remember to use the proper closing to a formal business email above the automatic signature line.

Using bcc: in office emails

Is it ever appropriate to use the bcc email function for internal office emails? — Mike in Flower Mound, Texas

Aunt Dandelion answers:

Mike, use of the blind copy (bcc) function can be very important. When general information or a request for help is sent to a large list of employees, many people use “reply all” to shoot back a comment or provide a resource. This results in mass emails that clog inboxes and provide an unwelcome distraction for the bulk of the recipients. In cases like this, the general list should be placed in the bcc: field to obviate the problem. The sender can start their email with a line such as “Message to all employees,” or “Request for research by the Strategy Team” so the recipients know why they received it.

Other than this scenario, using the bcc: field would mean you are trying to inform someone of an ongoing issue without the other recipients knowing that person has been copied. This is sneaky and borders on dishonesty. Take your problem to the proper authority in private.